wow what is this stuff... random.. I need sleep?

Where to start... it seams as though I have more to say lately than ever. I may not be the best writer, but getting things out seems to be healthy. I am not at all ashamed of my opinions, so why not share. I feel as though people to have always percieved me to be a certain way, that I am not. Some people have me Dead on, and they have no idea how dead on they are.
I turned 32 yesterday, wow, so what. The fact that I feel that way, makes me feel sad. I should be celebrating the fact that I am still here, about where I came from to get to this point. I am not sad about being 32, why should I be? 32 is still young, I am cool with it. I am just sad I don't care that I am progressing in life.
I am rambling!
I as a person am a great person. I love the person that I am, I am imperfect, and that is great. Crazy, yup that is me, funny, and loving too. The other side I can be a royal... well you know I can be that too. I have come to find that people perseive me to be a lazy slob, that just doesn't care. The people who truely know me know that yes I can be lazy, but am generally willing to do what I have to (at this point of my life anyway). I do infact care, I care alot. I just have made choices in my life that are both very healthy and not so healthy. I don't let myself get upset. The phrase "it is what it is" annoys family and friends, but that is how I feel. You do what you can, but ultimately, sometimes you just can't change things, and knowing that gives you peace, why let it burden you. You don't have to like it, but why take it out on others, when you do that, you are taking out on yourself, even more. I do however get tired of being the one who always stays calm and sometimes need someone else to bring me back down. I get crazy, not in a good way, I yell and scream and act like a demon. What's worse, is I also pretend that it doesn't bother me then internalize and it builds and builds, not a pretty place to be.
I have hope though, people will not always like me and the way I deal with things, but that is ok, because I don't like the way they do either.