Friday, March 26, 2010
to my followers
this blog has lost it's umf for me, I am not saying I won't be back, but check out my other blog it is much better
Monday, March 22, 2010
Seriously Fashion slug
I am a believer in listening to your gut instincts. I broke my long (a few months) boycott of Fashion Bug. I went shopping, I was desperate for clothes. I was misserable. I ended up buying three tops, all the same color, because I was getting nervous. I can't stand looking for my size 24/26 in with the size 4's there is something not right about it. First off the clothes will not look the same on a 4 as a 24 and it is a bit demeaning to make me do that. I can't find anything there. I don't know why I just don't stay in the house and wear a mumu. I hate these clothing companies. Clothes are necessity, but you want to look nice no matter what size you are. I think maybe I should open my own clothing store, anyone want to design and manufacture?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Ninja Strikes again
The house was nice and quiet during the night when Suzanne and her husband Dan thought they would get some quiet time alone. As they put on the movie Paul Blart Mall Cop, they were ready to relax and shake off the days stress. Suzanne popped her head up positive she heard something, Dan said she was crazy, but she knew she had heard something.
Sneaking thru the house, she doesn't see anything, then she heard a giggle, where is this coming from? Behind the big comfy chair she finds it...the Ninja has escaped from his nightly holding cell (no he is not in jail or a crib, just his bedroom). Suzanne decided she did not need her house destroyed through the night. She found some Jingle Bells in a box they were packing Christmas stuff back into, and attached the bells to the door. He can't escape now without me hearing him.
Suzanne is so naive!
It was 1:30 am and our poor tuckered out Heroin feels pressure on her leg and pops up only to find the Ninja, sneaking in their bed. He wanted to "go ni night" with mommy and daddy. They were both too exhausted to argue so they let him in the middle and the three fell asleep together.
Morning comes early for Dan, and at 3 am the alarm goes off, the Ninja sleeps through it. Dan picks him up and carries him back to his bed. Kisses his wife and goes to work.
5:30 am the phone rings, it is Dan, wanting to let his wife know he made it to work ok through the snow and he was fine, Suzanne didn't get up to answer this call but she listened to him talk to the machine. She didn't want to move because the Ninja had made his way back to her bed and she did not want to disturb him.
7 am Suzanne jumps from the bed as she feels as though it was snowing in her house, as she felt cold moisture all around her. The Ninja watching cartoons on her bed, with Daddy's left behind root beer in hand. That's right, the moisture was root beer.
The surprise awaiting her was not anything she hadn't seen before, just different.
That's right, no syrup this time. NO becuase that would be too nice! This time we have ranch dressing, no real big deal right, why
is he doing this! Suzanne walks in the kitchen to slip and fall, funny, she didn't see anything.
Suzanne has very bad knees, and really can't get up after this fall, and to make it worse it is as slippery as all get out, what is this stuff?
NO, it is not urine! It is oil, not just any oil, but her popcorn popper oil. This picture does not do the mess justice, this is just one of the most visible spots. Her couch covered in it.
Really, how does this happen without a sound?
This is him in time out! He is not upset because he is in time out, he is mad because I took away his tv. Oh and yes, we are in hour 3 of trying to clean up the oil and trying to sit in time out for two minutes and mom trying so hard not to lose it. 
Sneaking thru the house, she doesn't see anything, then she heard a giggle, where is this coming from? Behind the big comfy chair she finds it...the Ninja has escaped from his nightly holding cell (no he is not in jail or a crib, just his bedroom). Suzanne decided she did not need her house destroyed through the night. She found some Jingle Bells in a box they were packing Christmas stuff back into, and attached the bells to the door. He can't escape now without me hearing him.
Suzanne is so naive!
It was 1:30 am and our poor tuckered out Heroin feels pressure on her leg and pops up only to find the Ninja, sneaking in their bed. He wanted to "go ni night" with mommy and daddy. They were both too exhausted to argue so they let him in the middle and the three fell asleep together.
Morning comes early for Dan, and at 3 am the alarm goes off, the Ninja sleeps through it. Dan picks him up and carries him back to his bed. Kisses his wife and goes to work.
5:30 am the phone rings, it is Dan, wanting to let his wife know he made it to work ok through the snow and he was fine, Suzanne didn't get up to answer this call but she listened to him talk to the machine. She didn't want to move because the Ninja had made his way back to her bed and she did not want to disturb him.
7 am Suzanne jumps from the bed as she feels as though it was snowing in her house, as she felt cold moisture all around her. The Ninja watching cartoons on her bed, with Daddy's left behind root beer in hand. That's right, the moisture was root beer.
The surprise awaiting her was not anything she hadn't seen before, just different.
That's right, no syrup this time. NO becuase that would be too nice! This time we have ranch dressing, no real big deal right, why
is he doing this! Suzanne walks in the kitchen to slip and fall, funny, she didn't see anything.Suzanne has very bad knees, and really can't get up after this fall, and to make it worse it is as slippery as all get out, what is this stuff?
NO, it is not urine! It is oil, not just any oil, but her popcorn popper oil. This picture does not do the mess justice, this is just one of the most visible spots. Her couch covered in it.
Really, how does this happen without a sound?
Now it gets worse, I smell the ketchup as I get close to his room. (yes, at this point I am miffed beyond words and I am no longer refering to myself as Suzanne). So this is the floor in front of his bed.
So this is his bed, and I can't show you the worst of it, or I will lose my ever loving mind.
This is him in time out! He is not upset because he is in time out, he is mad because I took away his tv. Oh and yes, we are in hour 3 of trying to clean up the oil and trying to sit in time out for two minutes and mom trying so hard not to lose it. 
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Syrup: The most evil substance
Tuesday, a pretty easy day planned. The only real thing that had to be done before nap was Parents as Teachers and they are due around 10 am.
Timothy dressed and fed by 7:30, breakfast cleaned up and mommy dressed by 8:30, ok we are doing good kid. by 9:30 we had watched Blues Clues, played with our sticker book, and played puzzles. Great Day. I believe it was around 9:35ish when I made the mistake of my lifetime....
I went to the bathroom!!!
I really wasn't there that long, but somehow in the time I was in there long enough. I have called Timmy the Ninja Assassin for a while now because he is the most quiet when he is being destructive, and you seriously never know when it is going to hit.
I come out of the bathroom and was talking to him from the hallway and telling him about the rest of the day while walking thru our very small place. I stopped mid word when I saw it. Mind you he is sitting in front of the TV watching it as if nothing is wrong. I can't believe it. I see a brown liquid on the floor, no big deal he got a soda Dan left on the counter. Then I see the couch, it is covered in it, but wait, it is beaded up, normally that would just soak in. Further inspection: what is this? Brown Mustard? Seriously? Further inspection: Coffee Creamer? Parmesan Cheese? Did he empty my fridge? Ok, I wasn't in the bathroom that long because when I went back to the hallway to count to 10 it was only 9:40.
I have someone on there way to my house right now. Crap!
I quickly grab the mop only to discover that part of the brown mess was malt vinegar, so he literally did use all of my condiments that had been previously opened. Funny enough the Soda I thought he used was still sitting on the counter untouched.
The big brown mess, if you have not guessed, yup, syrup.
I am frantically mopping up the floor trying to make sure that no one gets hurt, I will get the couch next. While mopping, I get to Timothy's bedroom door, and look in, oh yes, it gets worse here. He has covered his bed, his floor and anything but his toys. NO We Wont Destroy Our Own Things, Just What Mom and Dad Care About!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am cleaning the floor with extremely hot water to get up all the sticky, I stripped Timothy down to a diaper as he was a mess as well, I will get him dressed when I am done, I said to myself. I get a bowl of hot soapy water and a rag and start for the couch, I will have to get his room last. I have completely forgotten about the great start we had, and something else, I know I am forgetting something......Oh yes, Parents as Teachers!!!! She comes to the Door, I am now a mess, on my knees scrubbing the couch, My son is in white trash diaper mode covered in filth. I let her in only because it is 2 degrees outside and immediately explain my morning, so she doesn't think the worst, she laughs. I AM SO GLAD SHE THINKS IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE A COUPLE HOURS LATER, I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT A SMILE!! Anyway I quickly cleaned him up and got him dressed so she could start with him as I am still scrubbing the couch. while she keeps watching and laughing, about what a "booger" he is. I am really going to have to punch this B&*%h! I finished the couch and they are coloring, so I strip his bed and sweep the Parmesan cheese up and mop his floor. She leaves, I give Timothy lunch and put him down for a nap in my bed, I stayed there until he was asleep and I was sure of it. I don't want the little Ninja to destroy anything else. 4 moppings away my floor is still sticky and my house reeks of vinegar, Hazelnut (coffee creamer), oh yes and the sickly sweet smell of maple that I usually love, but my home stinks! Is this normal behavior for a two year old, and how does he do it so quietly, I mean I didn't hear the fridge open, nothing. All I can say is I can't wait for my husband to come home and for my Mary Kay meeting tonight, I need the time away.
Timothy dressed and fed by 7:30, breakfast cleaned up and mommy dressed by 8:30, ok we are doing good kid. by 9:30 we had watched Blues Clues, played with our sticker book, and played puzzles. Great Day. I believe it was around 9:35ish when I made the mistake of my lifetime....
I went to the bathroom!!!
I really wasn't there that long, but somehow in the time I was in there long enough. I have called Timmy the Ninja Assassin for a while now because he is the most quiet when he is being destructive, and you seriously never know when it is going to hit.
I come out of the bathroom and was talking to him from the hallway and telling him about the rest of the day while walking thru our very small place. I stopped mid word when I saw it. Mind you he is sitting in front of the TV watching it as if nothing is wrong. I can't believe it. I see a brown liquid on the floor, no big deal he got a soda Dan left on the counter. Then I see the couch, it is covered in it, but wait, it is beaded up, normally that would just soak in. Further inspection: what is this? Brown Mustard? Seriously? Further inspection: Coffee Creamer? Parmesan Cheese? Did he empty my fridge? Ok, I wasn't in the bathroom that long because when I went back to the hallway to count to 10 it was only 9:40.
I have someone on there way to my house right now. Crap!
I quickly grab the mop only to discover that part of the brown mess was malt vinegar, so he literally did use all of my condiments that had been previously opened. Funny enough the Soda I thought he used was still sitting on the counter untouched.
The big brown mess, if you have not guessed, yup, syrup.
I am frantically mopping up the floor trying to make sure that no one gets hurt, I will get the couch next. While mopping, I get to Timothy's bedroom door, and look in, oh yes, it gets worse here. He has covered his bed, his floor and anything but his toys. NO We Wont Destroy Our Own Things, Just What Mom and Dad Care About!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I am cleaning the floor with extremely hot water to get up all the sticky, I stripped Timothy down to a diaper as he was a mess as well, I will get him dressed when I am done, I said to myself. I get a bowl of hot soapy water and a rag and start for the couch, I will have to get his room last. I have completely forgotten about the great start we had, and something else, I know I am forgetting something......Oh yes, Parents as Teachers!!!! She comes to the Door, I am now a mess, on my knees scrubbing the couch, My son is in white trash diaper mode covered in filth. I let her in only because it is 2 degrees outside and immediately explain my morning, so she doesn't think the worst, she laughs. I AM SO GLAD SHE THINKS IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE A COUPLE HOURS LATER, I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT A SMILE!! Anyway I quickly cleaned him up and got him dressed so she could start with him as I am still scrubbing the couch. while she keeps watching and laughing, about what a "booger" he is. I am really going to have to punch this B&*%h! I finished the couch and they are coloring, so I strip his bed and sweep the Parmesan cheese up and mop his floor. She leaves, I give Timothy lunch and put him down for a nap in my bed, I stayed there until he was asleep and I was sure of it. I don't want the little Ninja to destroy anything else. 4 moppings away my floor is still sticky and my house reeks of vinegar, Hazelnut (coffee creamer), oh yes and the sickly sweet smell of maple that I usually love, but my home stinks! Is this normal behavior for a two year old, and how does he do it so quietly, I mean I didn't hear the fridge open, nothing. All I can say is I can't wait for my husband to come home and for my Mary Kay meeting tonight, I need the time away.
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