The Ninja Strikes again

The house was nice and quiet during the night when Suzanne and her husband Dan thought they would get some quiet time alone. As they put on the movie Paul Blart Mall Cop, they were ready to relax and shake off the days stress. Suzanne popped her head up positive she heard something, Dan said she was crazy, but she knew she had heard something.
Sneaking thru the house, she doesn't see anything, then she heard a giggle, where is this coming from? Behind the big comfy chair she finds it...the Ninja has escaped from his nightly holding cell (no he is not in jail or a crib, just his bedroom). Suzanne decided she did not need her house destroyed through the night. She found some Jingle Bells in a box they were packing Christmas stuff back into, and attached the bells to the door. He can't escape now without me hearing him.
Suzanne is so naive!
It was 1:30 am and our poor tuckered out Heroin feels pressure on her leg and pops up only to find the Ninja, sneaking in their bed. He wanted to "go ni night" with mommy and daddy. They were both too exhausted to argue so they let him in the middle and the three fell asleep together.
Morning comes early for Dan, and at 3 am the alarm goes off, the Ninja sleeps through it. Dan picks him up and carries him back to his bed. Kisses his wife and goes to work.
5:30 am the phone rings, it is Dan, wanting to let his wife know he made it to work ok through the snow and he was fine, Suzanne didn't get up to answer this call but she listened to him talk to the machine. She didn't want to move because the Ninja had made his way back to her bed and she did not want to disturb him.
7 am Suzanne jumps from the bed as she feels as though it was snowing in her house, as she felt cold moisture all around her. The Ninja watching cartoons on her bed, with Daddy's left behind root beer in hand. That's right, the moisture was root beer.
The surprise awaiting her was not anything she hadn't seen before, just different.
That's right, no syrup this time. NO becuase that would be too nice! This time we have ranch dressing, no real big deal right, why is he doing this! Suzanne walks in the kitchen to slip and fall, funny, she didn't see anything.
Suzanne has very bad knees, and really can't get up after this fall, and to make it worse it is as slippery as all get out, what is this stuff?

NO, it is not urine! It is oil, not just any oil, but her popcorn popper oil. This picture does not do the mess justice, this is just one of the most visible spots. Her couch covered in it.

Really, how does this happen without a sound?

Now it gets worse, I smell the ketchup as I get close to his room. (yes, at this point I am miffed beyond words and I am no longer refering to myself as Suzanne). So this is the floor in front of his bed.

So this is his bed, and I can't show you the worst of it, or I will lose my ever loving mind.

This is him in time out! He is not upset because he is in time out, he is mad because I took away his tv. Oh and yes, we are in hour 3 of trying to clean up the oil and trying to sit in time out for two minutes and mom trying so hard not to lose it.